Weakness.

I would say it is/was one of the many chinks in my amour.

I do not exactly know when or how this habit of shopping when my emotions are not in a state of well-being was started. I only became acutely aware of this pricking and pressing issue when the figures in my bank account started to dwindle and fall at an alarming rate.

But realizing is one thing, grasping the fact is another and taking charge of the problem is a whole different ballgame.

I was pretty steadfast in my frenzied ways, and if you watched Confessions of a Shopaholic, you will remember this scene where Isla Fisher was in this shop, knowing very well her financial situation would not and could not allow her to purchase this green scarf that her eyes, mind and heart were set on. But still, she went on to fish out her many credit cards, splitting the payment through multiple cards. I was exactly like that. Not as extreme, but somewhere near there.
And contrary to belief, just like what the main lead had portraited, shopaholics have sound minds, know exceedingly well how many pennies are left in their accounts and how much they owe their many creditors. The issue? The unchecked emotions were in control of the host. It is mind-blowing if you are not in that particular shoe, oh situation i mean.

The silver lining then was probably i was not in any sort of debts or else i would be an sorry ass. But come to think of it, i would skip offerings and keep my tithes with the next item to be purchased at the back of my head. Horrendous, and you bet i am thankful our God is a merciful one, forgiving me for all that horrid indulgence in my ways. Not like that anymore.

It is different nowadays of course. Somehow, through His grace and a harsh reality check i handed to myself, i am not that free-spending bugger anymore. Prudence is required to survive in the world of debit and credit. Obviously, i still struggle a little now and then but i am the one in control.

What did they say again?
"Life is like photography,
You use the negatives to develop."